Doctor
by sein Henker
Summary: Jack and the Doctor try to work through Jack's issues with the Doctor's twelfth regeneration.


Title: Doctor  
Summary: Jack and the Doctor try to work through Jack's issues with the Doctor's twelfth regeneration.  
Rating: M for death and nudity.  
Word Count: 1,000  
Other Chapters: No.  
Disclaimer: The British Broadcasting Corporation owns Doctor Who and all related trademarks. I do not in any way profit from the use of these trademarks.  
Pairings: Twelfth Doctor/Jack Harkness (explicit); Ianto Jones/Jack Harkness (references); Ninth Doctor/Jack Harkness (mentioned)  
Contains: Spoilers for the identity of the actor playing the twelfth Doctor. Crossover with Torchwood.  
Warnings: Major character death (mentioned); minor character death (mentioned)

"Doctor," Jack said, because maybe if he just kept saying it, he would start to believe it. Doctor. He could almost do it, from the back. Almost forget. Almost not see it. Doctor. He closed his eyes and kissed his old Doctor's new shoulder, but as he did so he caught himself picturing the last and different Doctor he'd kissed. No. The same Doctor. His Doctor. His Doctor, who would always be his Doctor, no matter how he looked.

Doctor.

This would get easier in time. This face would get less triggering and the old associations would fade as the new ones took over. Doctor. Every inch of flesh before Jack was his Doctor and no one else. Not sinless but not guilty of the sin that Jack's PTSD was insistently laying at his feet. Travelling through time and space and living for hundreds of years, Jack had met plenty of people who looked like each other. That didn't make them the same. The man lying naked before Jack was not the man Jack still sometimes saw in his nightmares. This was the Doctor, not John Frobisher, and a freakish genetic coincidence didn't change that. This was his Doctor.

Doctor.

Jack ran his hands down the naked back before him and tried to remember how much he'd wanted this, and how long he'd waited for it. He'd never imagined that it would be like this, feel like this. He'd never imagined that the fastest way to get his Doctor's body naked was to be triggered by his Doctor's face. The Doctor would try anything to calm Jack down, though, because the Doctor, the man who'd just stripped for Jack, cared about Jack. They were hoping that Jack would be able to do it, like this. Start with the feet and the back and the other non-distinct areas and work his way slowly up to the face.

Doctor.

Jack buried his nose in his Doctor's hair and breathed. It smelled like his Doctor. They were on his Doctor's TARDIS and lying on the bed in a room that was such an exact double of Jack's old bedroom that Jack wouldn't have known it wasn't the original if the Doctor hadn't told him. This was Jack's Doctor, who knew him and loved him and had rebuilt this room for him. Jack's Doctor, who had probably been light-years and millenniums away in September of 2009. Jack's Doctor, who would have saved everyone if he'd had the chance. Jack's Doctor, who was calm and helpful now because he wanted Jack calm, but who'd been unmistakably furious when Jack admitted what he'd done the first time the 456 came to Earth. Jack's Doctor, who would scold Jack for that later and who would make it better when he did so. Jack's Doctor, who made everything better, even when he was angry.

Doctor.

Jack nudged his Doctor on the shoulder, and he rolled over, so that he was lying flat on his back beneath Jack. Jack closed his eyes for a second, then tried to keep them south of the Doctor's collarbones when he reopened them. This was not, objectively, and unattractive body. Older than the others, yeah, but looking pretty damn good for a 1200-year-old man. Jack ran his hand down the Doctor's chest, over his abdomens, and then along his thighs. He stared for several seconds at a part of the Doctor that he knew he was not welcome to touch. This body was so new, the Doctor probably wasn't even comfortable with it himself yet. It probably wasn't easy for him to lie there and let Jack eye it over.

Doctor.

Jack took a deep breath and moved back up his Doctor's body and cupped his chin, and he tried to keep his eyes open as he bent down and kissed his Doctor on the lips. He'd wanted to do something open-mouthed and sensual, but the best he could manage was a fast peck and then a flinch.

"This isn't working, is it?" the Doctor asked, and as he did so he brought his own hand up to cup Jack's neck. Jack flinched again, and the Doctor withdrew his hand immediately.

"No, it's not."

"I'm sorry."

Jack rolled slightly and collapsed onto his back on his bed. He sighed and stared at his ceiling. "I'm sorry. You didn't do anything. I did."

The Doctor apparently couldn't argue with that, but he did pat Jack on the shoulder before standing and pulling his clothes back on. "Let me get us something," he said once he was dressed. Then he left Jack alone.

Jack had been doing well, too. He'd lost lovers before. He knew how the grief process worked. He had finally started to move on from Ianto's death. He'd accepted it. He'd accepted that it hadn't killed him. He'd admitted that life might still be worth living, and he'd even been allowing himself to entertain the notion that someone else might be worth loving. (He was not ever going to entertain the notion that it might be worth having more children.)

He hadn't been ready for his Doctor to regenerate into a constant reminder of the 456 incident. The universe had thrown some shit at Jack before, but it had really outdone itself with this one.

The Doctor was back within a few minutes. He was holding two large plastic cups with straws in them, and he offered one to Jack. Jack was confused, because it wasn't like his Doctor to offer him alcohol, but, well, new regenerations... Jack sat up and took the cup.

The Doctor sat down next to him. "It talking would help..."

"I don't think it would." He sipped on the straw and smirked. It wasn't alcohol. "What is this?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Banana milkshake," the Doctor said.

Jack laughed.

"What? I like bananas!"

Jack ginned. "Doctor..." he repeated. It didn't make things better, but it helped a lot. His Doctor liked bananas. They'd be okay.


End file.
